Cyndy Hunt Luzinski, MS, RN
Founder and Executive Director, Dementia Together
At Dementia Together, we know care partners can be hard on themselves. At our recent educational symposium, even after a full day devoted to learning new ways to care well for their loved ones, some heard familiar voices of self-criticism: “I’ve been doing everything wrong.” That’s why we ended the symposium with a reminder we can never share too often: Grace is required on every dementia journey.
The dementia journey invites us to grow in our capacity to offer grace—to our loved ones experiencing dementia, to those trying to help, and even to those whose fear and misunderstanding keep them at a distance. Most importantly, grace needs to extend to ourselves, though allowing ourselves to receive it may be the hardest part.
Care partners, you will likely hear it often from us: Be as kind to yourselves as you are trying to be to your loved ones. You can embrace a new direction without blaming yourself for what you didn’t know along the way.
When we understand dementia as a disability we can positively accommodate, the focus shifts from changing the person living with dementia to changing ourselves. Changing ourselves doesn’t mean condemning ourselves for what we didn’t yet understand.
Our Together Care Model
offers a GPS for the dementia journey—Guidance, Practicality, and Sustainability—helping families determine next steps when they’re asking, “Now what?”
We don’t eliminate the journey or promise a road without unexpected detours, but we do share practical strategies and a roadmap for “recalculating” as needed.
Why else do we consider our Together Care Model a GPS for the dementia journey? Because a GPS doesn’t spend twenty minutes reminding you that you should have turned left.
The Together Care Model brings our three pillars together: Education, Enrichment, and Hope to help families spend less time blaming themselves for the past and more time finding a better way forward.
“Find it interesting” is one simple strategy we encourage care partners to use with their loved ones and with themselves.
When a loved one says or does something that doesn’t seem to make sense, you might try staying curious: “Well, isn’t that interesting!” It’s a chance to pause and seek understanding rather than rush to correct.
When something you try doesn’t go as planned, offer yourself that same curiosity. Instead of listening to the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” voices, try: “Well, isn’t that interesting! THAT didn’t work. Now I can try something else.”
In both situations, curiosity makes room for understanding and a next step. Each attempt offers something to learn, helping you discover another way forward.*
Life wasn’t perfect before dementia, and it won’t be perfect during or after the dementia journey, either. But it can still be good. Perfection is not required. Sometimes, good enough is more than enough.
Our Together Care Model provides a better way forward, with guidance when the next step is unclear, practical strategies when something needs to change, and support for sustaining well-being along the way.
You don’t have to keep looking back at the turn you wish you’d taken. With grace for yourself and people beside you who care, you can recalculate and find a better way forward. With our Together Care Model as your GPS, you don’t have to find your way alone. We’re Doing Dementia Together.
*Our Doing Dementia Together workshops offer tools and practice to apply these strategies into daily life.
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